finally making a change in my life.

So yeah… I haven’t posted on this blogspot in a while haha. Not since what, more than a week ago? That’s probably because things have changed a lot since last week. It’s amazing how much can happen in such a short amount of time, right? Well last Thursday, the day after my most recent post, I had a really long talk with my ex-boyfriend. I basically let out all my feelings and everything that was happening with me, and everything that I had been hiding from him. I told him how upset I was by the breakup, and how amazingly hard it was for me to get over him. And he told me what was happening in his life, and how his best friend was mad at him for our breakup. And we both just cried a lot, and everything got settled in the end. And after that day, I realized how much clearer and better life looks now. Like, sure sometimes, I feel as though I’m still drifting through my life just waiting for something to happen, but now, the breakup isn’t there anymore. It’s not in the back of my mind, and it’s not all I think about every day. I think I finally realized that I needed to get over this guy, and like, even though we can never go back to those memories anymore, it’s really okay. Because in reality, he was just one guy. He wasn’t THE one guy for me. Sure I loved him and everything, and it really hurt to let go like that, but really, there’s a lot of guys out there that are better for me. That will treat me better, and will be what I deserve. I’m not saying he didn’t treat me well, he really did. But it probably wasn’t the way I wanted to be treated – we weren’t a perfect match for each other. We were a good match, but not the perfect match.

So now, after that Thursday, the next day, I actually met a guy. I went to New York City for my friend’s birthday, and she invited some of her friends from Middlesex County College, and I met this one guy, and he was really nice and sweet. But now, I’m totally and utterly confused about what’s going on. From last Friday to this Thursday, he asked me for my AIM screen name and cell phone number, and I contacted consistently. But yesterday, I asked him to go to this event with me, and he went there after his class ended to meet up with me. And during the event, I really wanted to hold his hand, but I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable or anything. But looking back on that, I really should’ve held his hand, because it was a chance I missed out on. But that night later on, after we both went back to our homes, we were still texting each other. And I ended up telling him last night that I really wanted to hold his hand, and that I kind of liked him. And in the end he just replied with a “You think too much lol. Lets just call it a night. Okay cutie? Haha.” And now, I’m so confused with whether he likes me back or not. I really want to ask him, but I’m kind of scared that I’m just going to be pushing him away, and he’s going to get annoyed and bothered by me. Plus, I’m kind of tired of making the first move always. I really want him to make the first move. What am I supposed to do now? I’m so confused… and I keep thinking that he doesn’t like me. I’ve been (ultimately) rejected by every guy I have liked, so I’m probably going to screw this one up too. I really don’t know. Today, he didn’t bring it up at all, so I don’t know what to think. What does he want me to do? Oh my god.