what am i to you?

You remember that guy I posted about back in November ish? The one that I met at a club in New York City? Well, we’re dating now. And after the past 2 or 3 months of getting to know him, I’ve found him to be a little bit more frustrating than I thought he would be. First of all, he doesn’t know how to fucking treat me like a girlfriend sometimes. When I get hurt, when I’m sick, when I’m tired… all he can come up with is “Damn you’re beasting”? What the fuck. Like, can you care a little about me at least? I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but goddamnit, I’m your fucking girlfriend. Don’t you have feelings for me? Don’t you fucking care about me? Don’t you care if I’m tired, hurt, or sick? Doesn’t that matter to you at all?

And second of all, you can’t deal with me sometimes, huh? When I ask too many questions about a word, you fucking flip out on me? So what if I fucking forgot? You couldn’t just bother to tell me again, and you had to flip out and refuse to tell me? Go fuck yourself. Can’t you just deal with me… at least a little? Am I that annoying? That selfish? That stupid? I guess how you see me, is how everyone else sees me. I’m fun to be around, but once you get too close to me, I get annoying, and you don’t want to hear about my problems or deal with my absent-mindedness or forgetfulness. What AM I to you?

Third of all… what the fuck is with all the mood swings you have? One minute, you’re saying “I miss you” “Babe” and all that shit, and the next… fuck you don’t even want to text me. You don’t want to be bothered with what I have to say, and you can’t deal with me as your girlfriend. I know you’re under stress from work and working out and family and whatever, but shit, you have to chill out sometimes. I can deal with your mood swings most of the time, but sometimes, I just can’t figure out if you really like me or you’re using me as some kind of THING to pass your time. I’m not your fucking plaything, I have fucking feelings, and I WILL leave if you don’t start treating me with some respect.

Seriously… what am I to you? You barely treat me like your girlfriend – you don’t care about me, you give me a billion mood swings to deal with, and you can’t deal with me sometimes.

Am I asking for too much here? I probably am… I always am. I’m too fucking selfish probably to see anything outside my own life. I’m sorry. I really don’t know what to think anymore.