about love.

You know, after getting my heart broken by the one guy I thought I would be with forever, I really don’t know about love anymore. Like, we said that we would be together forever and ever, and he said he would love me forever and ever, but what happened to that?? The answer is, feelings change. So is this really love?? How are relationships being in love with someone, if you can fall out of love with them, and stop treating them and thinking of them as your one and only in a day or two. Yeah, I believe there are such things as liking someone and having feelings and emotions for them, because that’s what we had. But is there such thing as loving someone else like that?? What about loving someone else so deeply, you’d do anything for them. That’s really what I felt like in the relationship, I felt as though I loved him so much, I’d disappear off the face of the Earth if it would make him happier. But like, is that love, or just infatuation, an obsession with someone?? I remember discussing in my Humanities class in senior year, whether teenagers were capable of feeling love. I don’t think anyone’s capable of feeling love. I feel as though, it doesn’t exist. At least not the kind of love that we can feel for someone else. During our relationship, I said I loved him, and he said he loved me. Was that really true?? Like, once you’re in a relationship, you always say you love the other person. But then, once you guys break up, and you find another person, you say you love them. So who do you really love?? You loved one person, and then now you love someone else?? How does that make sense?? Isn’t love for someone supposed to be eternal, and you always want them to be happy?? So how can that happen?? Yeah, people have a lot of relationships, and that’s how it’s supposed to be, but like, is it really love?? I just think its infatuation. An obsession. Habitual infatuation in fact. You get so used to being with them, that you can’t imagine it any other way. But once you’re put into a situation with another person, you can become infatuated with them too. And then it happens all over again. Yes there’s the feelings, that’s the infatuation. And then there’s the lust, which is necessary to creating that physical infatuation or attraction between the two people. But I don’t think there’s love. Love is… something that we humans made up. We mistaken infatuation, lust, obsession, feelings, attraction, all the combined for love. It’s a word that we made up because we want to be able to feel that strongly for someone else, we want to seem as though we’re not doing anything wrong, and it’s not just an infatuation, not just an attraction. Love is just another word for infatuation.

Like, I still can’t figure it out at all. I’ve been thinking about it the past few days, but I can’t figure out if what we had was love or not. Do I even believe in love?? Like, it hurts a lot that in 2 or 3 weeks, he’s already forgotten about the way he treated me like a girlfriend. His feelings are completely gone I’m pretty sure. He doesn’t worry about me anymore, he doesn’t care if I’m cold or hurt or whatever, he’s dedicating his songs to her, they’re talking on the phone every night, and he goes to where she is at, because he wants to see her that much. So, how do feelings of “love” really change that fast?? How can you forget “love" in 2 to 3 weeks, when it took months to build that “love” and the feelings we had. It’s amazing how fleeting our thoughts as human beings are, how easily we change our minds about what we like and who we like. So I really believe that there is no such thing as love, or at least what we define as love. If there really is love, then, obviously we aren’t capable of feeling it. We’re not that great, not that amazing that we can become capable of feeling such strong emotions and feelings as what we think love is. Yes, we are the smartest animal species or whatever out there on Earth, but intelligence doesn’t mean we know how to feel strong emotions.