i don't know.

I’m going to stop letting myself get hurt so easily. The way I see it, I let the things that people say to me get to me too easily. I cry when my friends insult me, I break down when I hear things about my ex-boyfriend, and I die, when I hear that my friends are talking about me behind my back. The fact is, throughout my life, I’m going to have things not go my way. And I need to be able to deal with that, and not let other people get to me so easily. I guess it’s probably because I give others my trust easily, and I believe with all my heart, that they’d never hurt me or leave me. But when it happens, it just hurts like a motherfucker.

It feels like my true friends are slowly disappearing one by one. Everyone’s changing, and it’s only me who’s expecting things to stay the same. I can’t go to the same people to talk about problems anymore, because they’re different now (or it’s because one of them is my ex-boyfriend). I only have a few select friends that I can talk to about problems and shit happening in my life, and I thank God that I have them. I’m legit, so grateful that they’re in my life. Because otherwise, how else would I be able to live? Who else would be there to support me when I just completely break down and can’t stand up by myself any longer? I’m really grateful to have them in my life. But at the same time, it just really sucks that a lot of the people I used to be able to talk to, I can’t. Things are so different now. It’s amazing how things change so much in the span of one to two months. Everyone keeps saying that each other are changing, but the way I see it, everyone’s changing. No one’s the same as they were back then, and the mix of friends that used to blend and work out perfectly, aren’t really mixing so well anymore. It might be changes for the better or for the worse, but thing is, we aren’t working so well together anymore. We argue and fight, and we talk about each other behind their backs, and most important of all, it’s hard for us to look past those flaws that we were once able to ignore. It might be because they’re amplified a lot more now due to the changes in personality and whatnot, but it’s really… sad. I don’t know how else to say it, but yeah. Isn’t being friends all about being able to look past the flaws that we all have, and just accept them for who they are? Unless the flaws can’t be justified, and we’d be doing them a favor by trying to change them or talking to them about it. But I don’t know, things are just different now.

Right now, I don’t know what to think of my life. I don’t know if it’s a good life or a bad life that I’m living right now, I just know that a lot of the times; it feels like my life is falling apart at the seams. It’s amazing how one thing can ruin your whole life. I guess it’s because I saw him as the one thing in my life that always made sense, and was always clear to me. He was the one thing that never doubted me or tried to hurt me intentionally. I could always fall back on him whenever I got hurt, and he’d pick up my pieces one by one. But fact is, I really don’t know what to think of my life right now. I’m just living it, hoping to God, that everything will get better eventually.