fuck off.

It really feels like he’s just trying to push me farther and farther away. Is it really because he thinks it’s for my own good? Or is he just throwing me away like an old toy because he’s done with me, and he’s already used me enough? What was I really to him? I really thought of him as a good friend before, during, and after – right now. But seriously, how much more are you going to push me away? I don’t mind not seeing you, I think that’s better for me too, but when you talk to me… it just feels so cold and insincere. Like you don’t give a damn about me, and we did NOT spend 10 months of our lives in love or supposedly in love. Every time I talk to you now, it’s like you don’t care about me, and you’re judging everything I say to you. What the fuck am I to you now? Definitely not the best friends we agreed we were going to be. If you keep doing this, I’m just going to give up on you, and keep what dignity and pride I have left of me. Because you’re seriously not worth all this trouble, especially because you dumped my ass in September.

And yet at the same time, why do you have to interfere in my life, and judge every single one of my actions? When I ask you to pay my money back, you call me greedy and absorbed with money. Seriously, that’s none of your business. How I treat and handle money is my own decision to make and don’t you dare think you can call me greedy like that. Especially not after I spent fucking $240 on your Christmas present, another $100 on a random present which was the backpack I gave you, and $100+ on your fucking birthday present. So, how is that being greedy with my money? I gave up more than half what I earned with my job with you, and you dare to call me greedy after our relationship, just because I’m not willing to spend any of my money on you now? Like seriously, how DARE you? You have no right to talk to me in that way and insult me like that. Don’t fucking think you can say anything you want about me just because you used to be my boyfriend. Notice that word there? “Used.” That means you’re my ex-boyfriend which means you have no right. And if I really choose to go to a club in NYC to help Kelly celebrate her birthday because we spent her birthday weekend celebrating Derek’s, that’s my decision. You say “There goes your money”, well, okay. There goes my money. Don’t say that with that kind of tone, because that’s my choice, and if you have a problem with that. Fuck you. Don’t think I’m going around, clubbing and partying and shit, because I’m not. I spend most of my nights thinking and crying about you and our relationship. So much better than clubbing and partying right? And also, don’t think that I’m fucking slacking in my work. You have no right there either. Do you know why I missed fucking one and a half week of classes? Because that whole time, I spent crying over you and our breakup, and there was no way I could’ve gone to class in the condition I was in. You have no right to talk about my schoolwork and grades like that, especially since you fucking caused it. Don’t tell me “Do work”, because I already know that. You don’t need to remind me, and don’t tell me it like you’re talking down to me. Yes you’re doing better in school than me and probably getting better grades than me, but fuck, that’s because you had someone to help you move on after you broke up with me. And shit, I’m trying my hardest here. The only class I’m failing is computer science and that’s because I don’t fucking get that shit. All my other classes are fine, so fuck the hell off.

Don’t try to keep pushing me away completely, thinking you’re doing what’s best for me, because you’re going to lose a pretty damn good friend like that, and stop trying to interfere in my life and judging every fucking move I make.