i'm sorry.

It’s hard to keep a promise that’s stopping you from doing the only thing that can keep you from breaking down at times. So I’m sorry Gian, but I didn’t keep my promise. It’s too hard. Do you know why? You probably can’t understand. You lost control, and punched a wall because your parents were too much. They were being too unfair, too selfish, too unreasonable. Then what about me? Dealing with this breakup, is too much. I can’t keep this control anymore. I’m dying here right now. I’m living half my life right now. I’m always missing something. I’m never complete. I’m going through my life always thinking about something, always feeling empty. It’s horrible. I can’t keep this promise, because when I see you two together or think about you two, it’s too much to handle.

I don’t know how long it’s going to take to get over you. Months? Years? I really hope not. It’s too painful, and I wouldn’t be able to live my life the way I want to. You have no idea how badly I want to get over you. It’s so painful and hurtful to feel and think this way every fucking day. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I’m trying so hard to let go, but it’s like every time I take a step forward to forget you, something pushes me two steps back. I don’t want to live my life like this. I know, I understand that I need to get over you. But something’s stopping me from agreeing completely with my mind and logic, and I still feel the pain and hurt from the breakup and thinking and missing you.